GLP-1s, specifically Zepbound... My Story

So, I would not consider myself to have been obese my whole life. In fact I was quite the athlete until I injured my back. I played four college sports (soccer, pole vaulting, diving and swimming) and considered myself quite fit. That being said, I always tended to be on the heavier side of the weight chart for my height, which I usually just decided was because of muscle...and may have been, but I also know I wasn't the healthiest eater. For reference, I'm about 5' 7 1/2" and weighed around 155 peak fitness. That put me one data point from being considered overweight on the BMI chart. I'll never forget when my soccer coach my freshman year looked at my tray in the dining hall and said, "that's gotta change".

I had always eaten a pretty typical southern diet and however much of it I wanted. My plate was typically mostly yellow instead of the advice of "eat the rainbow". Veggies freaked me out :) I also have a very deeply engrained comforting relationship with food. No doubt it is my strongest coping mechanism. In high school I was also proud of how much I could eat and would even show off sometimes. Of course, after playing sports full time and then stopping, these habits started showing their wear and tear on my body. I got softer and larger. My brain still thought I was the same person though and I ended up injuring my back. Not enough for surgery at that point (that came later), but enough to change my whole outlook on exercise.

All of a sudden I was scared. Back pain sucks and it really changed my brain and what I thought I could do. I lived with that pain for another 15 years on and off. I really thought it would inspire me to get stronger and be healthier, but honestly the fear of more pain kept me away from things like the gym consistently. So, after college, my weight basically stayed around 170, which is well into the overweight chart on the BMI scale. I would like to say though that I still felt I looked pretty good in my clothes and was confident in my skin, BMI chart be damned! Plus, my doctors never mentioned my health being affected. Society certainly told me I should lose weight, but honestly I sucked at dieting and when I tried, it lead me to bingeing from restricting. I developed a habit of trying to diet but would find myself crying in front of the fridge while stuffing my face. I would train for 5ks and do fine, but I felt tortured. For about a decade, if I got up to 180 pounds, I could work really hard for a burst of time and get back to 170 pretty quickly and be satisfied. I really put on weight (duh) when I got pregnant. I think my top weight was around 214. I had a big ole' 8 lb 9oz healthy baby girl and proceeded to try and lose the baby weight. Luckily, while pregnant, my diet had improved considerably because I knew my baby's health depended on it. Who knew, but I love broccoli!

I ended up getting back down to 170-175ish. I learned I could get a free nutritionist from my health plan at work along with a cool nutrition class and took advantage of it. Honestly, I learned sooooo much and I still use some of the tools from it today. My favorite one being to make veggies half my plate and try and eat those first. During that period I got down around 165 while also upping my power walking game during lunch breaks. Losing anymore weight was going to require a total life style change and that just wasn't in the cards for me. I was the mother of a young child and my mental health, despite the increase in exercise and better nutrition, took a nose dive. Luckily I know that mental health issues run in my family and my mom was always really open about talking about it. I was able to recognize my symptoms and ask for help. I had battled depression since high school and had been on and off medications since. This time was bad though. Something just clicked in my brain and all I could think were things like, maybe if I just fall down these stairs I'll be able to take a break for a while, or, if I just step in front of this car, things will be easier. I told a friend about these thoughts jokingly and she informed me they were not normal thoughts!!! Anyway, fast forward (I will make another post about my mood disorder journey!) and I found a great combination of medications and doctors and have progressed to where I am today. And just a side note that I cannot emphasize enough...not all doctors are equal, hunt until you find one that clicks!

This time period, however, lead to quite a bit of weight gain. I went from 165 to 230 over those 5 or so years of getting my mental health back on track. I honestly don't know what lead to the gain. I certainly moved less because I was severely depressed and I had extreme back and nerve pain that lead to back surgery and a decently long recovery. It is possible that my meds had something to do with it, but I was already taking the ones that had the lowest chance of causing weight gain, and more importantly, I was feeling better! My therapist introduced me to Health at Every Size by Lindo Bacon and also the concept of positive movement vs exercise. I started breaking down my relationship with food and exercise and learned basically how to give myself some grace and not hate myself for the way my body looked. This helped me to be able to live my life despite my size and not miss out on things due to embarrassment and shame. It also helped me relax my all or nothing thinking regarding exercise. I will probably write another post concerning those topics as well, but I'm getting a long winded here ;) The actual health part did start to change however, after I got blood work done and my A1C was climbing toward pre diabetes and my cholesterol was climbing as well. At this point my GP suggested the GLP-1 weight loss drugs. This is when they had just come out for something other than diabetes. I have to admit I was skeptical and felt like I would be "cheating". Surely I could get this under control all by myself...so I turned it down.

6 months later my weight hadn't changed, my blood work was still looking poorly, and I had a talk with myself and with my husband. He asked me point blank why I wouldn't use a safe tool to help me with something I was struggling with. At this point my psychiatrist had also asked if I was interested in starting a GLP1. She explained that it helped decrease "food noise". I had no idea what food noise was, but as we talked more about the drug, the more a little voice inside me pleaded for the help. I was finally making solid progress with my mental health and I didn't want to regress by starting a relationship with dieting I couldn't handle. So, I took the plunge!

Holy Moly! All I can say is, I've never felt more free from my own rude brain then when I started Zepbound. Food noise is 100% a thing. It was like I got my life back that I didn't know I didn't have! I wasn't constantly thinking about food and hating myself. After taking my shot, I would eat at regular times and just miraculously stop when I was full. I could pass by snacks and not even acknowledge them. The biggest eye opener is when we had a celebration dinner and cooked steak and shrimp. The steak was the best I had tasted in a long time and I only ate half of it and half the shrimp before I pushed my plate to the side. The thing that shocked me the most is I wasn't immediately depressed that I couldn't eat the rest of it...I think because I felt satisfied mentally and physically. That has never happened to me before. It was such a great feeling that I almost cried. That is when I realized that this drug isn't cheating, it really is a tool that helps break something down that was unhealthy in my brain. Being full has never stopped me from continuing to eat, but this new feeling of satisfaction was everything. It took the emotions out of the equation. I was worried I would mourn the loss of my relationship with food, but instead, I'll say it again, I just felt free.

I have heard many horror stories of bad side effects, but the only thing for me was making sure to drink enough water to avoid constipation. You definitely don't feel very good if you do happen to over eat and if you don't eat enough. This is a good lesson in finally being able to truly listen to your body and create new eating habits. I do also feel pretty tired for the first few days after shot days, but nothing a little caffeine can't fix.

I still don't know if I will be on this medication for life, but I do know I am learning a lot and still need the help for now. As the week moves along between shots, I definitely feel the noise creeping back in and my behavior changing around food. This awarness also lets me know when I need to increase my dose. I have moved up slowly and am now on 7.5mg (started at 2.5mg over three months ago). I feel really good at this dose and am thinking this is where I will stay for the next few months. I have lost 20 pounds (1-2lbs a week) and am almost back in the 100's! I feel so much better and my blood work has improved so much!! I have even started going to the gym because my natural instincts to move have kicked back into gear. I am starting slow and simple and doing the "None to Run" program which is even gentler than couch to 5k. It honestly feels amazing. It is the best feeling to be taking care of myself without all of the negative thoughts and self hatred. I am building good habits that I can keep the rest of my life whether or not I stay on this drug. I am not a cheater, I am doing what is right for me and my body. Creating new, sustainable habits and feeling good while doing so!

As a side note, because I know the thought of giving yourself a shot in the stomach can give anyone the heebie geebies, it's not that bad. In the beginning I had to pump myself up quite a bit, but in reality the needle is so tiny and there is virtually no pain. It is all a mental game. Those who are lucky enough to have insurance cover the pen injector have it even easier because you don't have the syringe and vial. I get my prescription straight from Eli Lilly Direct and it has been very easy...just very expensive. To help balance the new cost, I made the trade of no more eating out for lunch at work or unnecessary Starbucks runs :) ... just another positive side effect really!

This is my Zepbound story and obviously I am not a doctor and highly recommend talking to your doctors about it. It is controversial for some and I get all points of view, but honestly, I couldn't be happier right now. I feel like this drug has given me the freedom to take care of myself. Thanks for reading!